Ways of thinking – what do people use to explain things? 

Three steps to exit the story

In most cases, the people, attitudes, methods, and systems around you will try to get you through a process of changing what you think. That is, they will try to change the content of your thoughts so that you believe in a better story for your feelings.

The need to tell a story has accompanied humanity since the day it was created. People use stories to understand themselves and other people. Many studies already prove that the use of a story shapes our reactions on all levels – we can make our body react in certain ways, just because we have chosen a specific story to believe.

The most obvious example of this is crying – our belief that a certain story is sad makes our eyes water. Our choice of what to feel can also be called a story.

In the end, we are so identified with the laws of the space we live in, that the exchange of content in it is so powerful that it resonates inside us as well.

The relationship between the story we tell ourselves about external reality and how it resonates within us is our internal model. That is, the way we understand the content. It is a kind of measuring way through which all our levels of awareness come to a decision on which of our stories about ourselves we believe and which we don’t believe.

This decision is spread on a scale that has two ends:

The cognitive part – where the main thing is to stick to the “facts”. The brain is the most active part of the cognitive end and it uses agendas to sort reality into facts and opinions and thus decide to believe a story that is close enough to the facts of his life.

The mental part – where the main thing is to stick to “values”; To use the values we want to believe in internally to justify them through actions in external reality.

My goal in this article is to introduce you to the system of building your own stories, and as a result to return to your hands the free choice in 5 aspects:

When?

Why?

Some?

how?

And do you want to believe your story?

Along with the right to choose to write a new story.

In the first step, it is important to change a question. Many times the replacement of the question exceeds the answer to it. I encounter a great sense of frustration in my work around questions from people who are looking for an answer to a question they shouldn’t be asking.

Here is an equation through which you can check whether your question belongs to you:

If the question is: how to change what I think/feel/want?

Compared to if the question is: how to change the way I look at what I think/feel/want?

Changing the question will lead to the possibility of looking at the story from the outside and breaking it down into all the parts it includes. Without replacing the question that your story answers, you will be forced to continue observing it as one piece and as a result, its impact on you will increase disproportionately to its true meaning.

In the second stage, it is important to focus on the feeling of freedom.

Your freedom does not belong to the amount of limits you have, but to the amount of inner peace you have in the face of these limits. The question you wanted to ask will bring you together with some inner blocking feelings. They can be expressed in the form of resistance, rejection, withdrawal, disconnection, and sometimes even misunderstanding. It is important to recognize the difference between misunderstanding and blocking in order not to build a new story. This is the most sensitive stage to get out of your own story. Your sense of freedom will be manifested when you feel complete peace in front of all the stories you tell yourself. In other words, don’t draw from the stories you tell yourself the source of your strength or the meaning of existence.

The third and final step is the privilege you give yourself to write a new story. People have over time lost the sense of the right to choose their feelings, thoughts and desires. The accepted attitude to this inner world is very reactive to what is happening in the environment. A certain stimulus happens outside and the inner world is programmed to synchronize before it. You will be able to identify this basic pattern that prevents the fulfillment of the third stage in the field of learning. Let’s say you are learning something new, even reading this article for a few minutes. Now let’s say there are parts of this article you didn’t understand.

Ask yourself: would your instinct be to turn the article into a topic and claim-

“The article was not clear” or alternatively make yourself the subject and claim “I didn’t understand”.

In both cases, you are in a reactive axis to reality.

The third step is to return the privilege of writing your life story to yourself.

Ask yourself – what information did get into me?

Treat it just like a radio station: the broadcaster of the program broadcasts anyway, you are not able to remember and process every word, but the docking station you used for what did enter you is of enormous importance.

I would love to hear from you at every stage of your reading of this article – what is your story? And how did you change it?